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Bridal Club Magazine

Engagement What Is It Really About?

Questions you need to discuss before you both say 'I do'.

Engagement is the first stage of marriage.  It is the time to learn about one another and prepare for your life together, not just your wedding day.

It's easy to think that when you get married, it's the happy ending to which all your problems disappear and you live happily ever after.  Maybe you think that if you love each other enough, you will make it through anything together.  Marriage counselor's caution, that thinking this way will see problems arise in your marriage not long after walking down the aisle.

We include some key questions that we believe all couples should discuss with each other if they want to improve their future together.  Marriage counselor's agree that your ability to discuss and resolve issues such as these will help ensure the success of your married life.

1. What will marriage do, to improve our lives together?  Pregnancy, financial security, loneliness or wanting to get out of the family home are not valid reasons to get married.

2. What do we as a couple want out of life?   Do your goals unite you or do you want to achieve things separately?

3. What was your childhood like - happy and carefree or stressful? Was your family open and affectionate or do you have trouble expressing feelings? Do you have a family that likes to stay with you during the holidays?   What values do you want to bring from your own upbringing into the marriage, and what do you not want to bring?  What do you like and dislike about your families?

4. How would you describe yourself? How do you think your spouse sees you as a person? What do you think each others roles as husband and wife are and are you happy with that?

5. How are you going to divide up the household chores?  Do you have the same expectations on how tidy the house should be?

You will be very busy with wedding preparations.   But it is critical that you make quality time to prepare for your lifetime together, by exploring your relationship in depth.   Communication and an eagerness to grow closer together, is one of the keys to a successful marriage.


Marriage counselor's agree that your ability to talk about and resolve these issues will help ensure the success of your married life.

  1. How do each of you handle money, are you a spender or a saver? Do you want or need to have a budget? Should you have a joint check account or your own accounts or both?  Who will make sure that the bills are paid on time?  Can you both work our what are needs, wants and luxuries?  Do you want to own or rent your home?
  2. Children?  If so, how many?  How long after marrying?  Your parenting strategies such as discipline.   A 'working' or 'stay at home parent'?  If so, who will do it?  Birth control?  Pre and post giving birth. Would you adopt if you couldn't conceive?
  3. Is spirituality important to both of you?  Do you share common ideas about God, or do you have different beliefs?
  4. Can you discuss comfortably all aspects and expectations of your current or upcoming sexual relationship?
  5. Do you expect to do and share every part of your daily lives together?  Do you need to spend time alone?  Do you have separate interests?  How do you feel about your spouse going out with their friends every now and then?  Do you share or have separate friends?
  6. Do you make decisions together or does one of you tend to make them?  Do you discuss the difficult or 'icky' things or do you tend to avoid conflict by skipping over them?  Are you scared to argue constructively or are either of you particularly sensitive to the slightest bit of criticism?   Are you both willing to work on your communication skills and to share intimately with each other?

Congratulations if you made it through the questions first time together. If not, this is the chance to work on these invaluable skills and remember the motto - practice makes perfect.

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