Bridal Club Magazine
Engagement What Is It Really About?
Questions you need to discuss before you both say
'I do'.
Engagement is the first stage of marriage. It is the time
to learn about 
one another and prepare for your life together, not
just your wedding day.
It's easy to think that when you get married, it's the happy
ending to which all your problems disappear and you live happily
ever after. Maybe you think that if you love each other
enough, you will make it through anything together. Marriage
counselor's caution, that thinking this way will see problems arise
in your marriage not long after walking down the aisle.
We include some key questions that we believe all couples should
discuss with each other if they want to improve their future
together. Marriage counselor's agree that your ability to
discuss and resolve issues such as these will help ensure the
success of your married life.
1. What will marriage do, to improve our lives
together? Pregnancy, financial security, loneliness or
wanting to get out of the family home are not valid reasons to get
married.
2. What do we as a couple want out of life?
Do your goals unite you or do you want to achieve things
separately?
3. What was your childhood like - happy and
carefree or stressful? Was 
your family open and affectionate or do you have
trouble expressing feelings? Do you have a family that likes to
stay with you during the holidays? What values do you want
to bring from your own upbringing into the marriage, and what do
you not want to bring? What do you like and dislike about
your families?
4. How would you describe yourself? How do you
think your spouse sees you as a person? What do you think each
others roles as husband and wife are and are you happy with
that?
5. How are you going to divide up the household
chores? Do you have the same expectations on how tidy the
house should be?
You will be very busy with wedding preparations. But it
is critical that you make quality time to prepare for your lifetime
together, by exploring your relationship in depth.
Communication and an eagerness to grow closer together, is one of
the keys to a successful marriage.
Marriage counselor's agree that your ability to talk about and
resolve these issues will help ensure the success of your married
life.
- How do each of you handle money, are you a spender or a saver?
Do you want or need to have a budget? Should you have a joint check
account or your own accounts or both? Who will make sure that
the bills are paid on time? Can you both work our what are
needs, wants and luxuries? Do you want to own or rent your
home?
- Children? If so, how many? How long after
marrying? Your parenting strategies such as discipline.
A 'working' or 'stay at home parent'? If so, who will
do it? Birth control? Pre and post giving birth. Would
you adopt if you couldn't conceive?
- Is spirituality important to both of you? Do you share
common ideas about God, or do you have different beliefs?
- Can you discuss comfortably all aspects and expectations of
your current or upcoming sexual relationship?
- Do you expect to do and share every part of your daily lives
together? Do you need to spend time alone? Do you have
separate interests? How do you feel about your spouse going
out with their friends every now and then? Do you share or
have separate friends?
- Do you make decisions together or does one of you tend to make
them? Do you discuss the difficult or 'icky' things or do you
tend to avoid conflict by skipping over them? Are you scared
to argue constructively or are either of you particularly sensitive
to the slightest bit of criticism? Are you both willing to
work on your communication skills and to share intimately with each
other?
Congratulations if you made it through the questions first time
together. If not, this is the chance to work on these invaluable
skills and remember the motto - practice makes perfect.