Bridal Club Magazine
The five rules of drama-free wedding planning
I've noticed in planning my wedding that people are questioning
my decisions a lot more than they usually do. People, especially
families, don't tend to question other life decisions as much as
they do weddings.
They're fine with telling brides and grooms that they need to
serve the generic "chicken in beige sauce" as part of their
reception dinner, but they won't see you out grocery shopping and
say, "Oh, I think you should really buy eggplant this week. This
just seems like an eggplant kind of week for you." They're fine
with saying that you need to have your bridal hairstyle be an updo
(and done by a professional), but they would think that saying,
"Sweetie, I love you, but I think you would look so much better if
you dyed your hair a bold purple and added lime green highlights"
The majority of families don't even question your choice of
partner as much as they question whether or not you're going to
have matching napkins, chair covers, and tablecloths. They don't
tell you what job you should be doing. They don't tell you how to
decorate your apartment or house. For the most part, they see you
as a competent adult. But when it comes to weddings, all brides and
grooms are clearly seven-year-old children who can't possibly make
decisions for themselves, and when they do something different, it
can't be because of a meaningful choice they made - it's such a
silly idea, and they'll regret not having a photographer/doing a
bouquet toss/wearing white/having a formal meal, etc.
With that in mind, one of my bridesmaids (who was married last
October) has given me five rules for wedding planning that are
incredibly sensible. Here they are:
Stop talking about your wedding.
No. Seriously. Stop talking about your wedding.
Shut the f*%k up about your wedding.
Find your team of yes-men. These are the people to whom you can
say, "I want to get married while skydiving and have a tea-and-cake
reception inside an Easter Island head," and they will reply, "That
is SO you! I love it!" If they have a safety or budget-based
concern, they will mention it, but otherwise, they just tell you
how wonderful your ideas are. Your team of yes-men does not have to
include your parents, and it does not have to include your
Make your yes-men sign confidentiality agreements. Or, barring
that, make sure they don't regularly talk to the drama mamas in
your family and circle of friends.
This has saved me from feeling like I have to justify anything
to anybody. Having most people not know the details is taking a
load of stress away from me. Unless they absolutely HAVE TO know, I
have no problem not telling.
My bridesmaid says that the criticism does usually come from a
place of love. People love you and want you to have a beautiful
wedding day. The problem is that their idea of beautiful is
absolutely nothing like your idea of beautiful, and they fail to
recognize that. On occasion, it is jealousy or someone being
malicious, but, on the whole, when Great Aunt Gertie gasps and
gives you a three hour lecture on the virtues of matching napkins
to your manicure, she just wants your wedding to be beautiful for