Bridal Club Magazine

The Second Time Around

It is more and more common today that at least one partner in a couple has been previously married. This area can hold many fears for both partners. They wonder if they will repeat past mistakes but on the other hand, plenty of water has gone under the bridge for both of them. This leaves them with experience and wisdom to tolerate things in a new way.

Here are a few tips on to help set some ground rules and reduce stress while planning your wedding together.

• Don't - whatever you do, ask about the details of your partners first wedding… and if you were married before - don't bring up what you did at your first wedding. If the other brings it up, help them to just concentrate and focus on planning the wedding the way you want it to be.
• Big or Small Wedding? - What about if your significant other has been married before - and you want a large, traditional wedding and they want something much smaller and informal. You don't have to have been married before for this to happen - but the only answer here is to be open to each other and COMPROMISE. If your partner has been married before, then they should allow you the opportunity to have the wedding that you've always dreamed of. On the other hand, you still need to compromise too. If your fiancé agrees to the church ceremony for 200 guests, then, you should let them choose the reception location. Remember to choose your battles carefully. You can't win on every point, so choose which things are the most important to you. You will both have your wants and needs - in the end, good sense will prevail.
• What Should I Wear? - It doesn't matter whether this is your first, second or third wedding… the focal point is still the wedding dress. Many second-time brides choose a simpler, more elegant or sophisticated wedding dress. Some brides will choose a floor length or cocktail length dress in white, off-white or a pretty pastel. Many choose a dress that they may wear again, such as a cocktail length dress or a dressy, feminine looking suit. Many "etiquette experts" paid or otherwise, will advise second-time brides to not wear white, a veil or a long train for their second wedding. DON'T LISTEN to them! Stand your ground, this is your day - wear what YOU want to wear! Maybe you had a very small first wedding, perhaps a registry ceremony and this time you want to go all out! Wear what makes you feel beautiful! When it comes to bridesmaids, many second time brides choose to have a smaller wedding party with again, a simpler style of bridesmaids dress.
• Children in Weddings - If you or your fiancé have children from previous marriages, include them as much as possible in your wedding plans! Children can be flower girls, ring bearers, bridesmaids, ushers, junior attendants or even the best man or maid of honor. Children can do special readings, sing a song or play an instrument to be part of the ceremony. Wedding vows can also be written to include children. See our previous article in the archives if you are still deciding whether or not to include young children in your wedding.