Bridal Club Magazine
Managing Your In-Laws During Wedding Planning
Although planning your wedding is an exciting and exhilarating
time, it can also be a point of contention for many couples. There
are many stressors involved in wedding planning, from deciding on a
budget to agreeing on the details to hiring and managing vendors.
Many times, grooms fail to provide sufficient help with planning.
And, of course, we've all heard the horror stories about
"Bridezillas." Many couples will eat, sleep, and breathe their
wedding up until the big day - no wonder they're so stressed
out!
In addition to the nuances of the planning process, wedding
planning can bring up personal, emotional, and issues with in-laws.
Many couples feel immense pressure to make their wedding day
perfect. Some people feel they must have the perfect wedding in
order to have the perfect marriage.
Thus, it is necessary to
discuss what you want for your wedding to avoid conflict, anxiety,
and meddling family members. Clarify the type of wedding you both
want. Does one of you envision a big wedding with hundreds of
guests while the other would prefer a small ceremony with just
close friends and family? You will also want to decide on a budget
that won't break the bank - no one wants to begin their marriage in
debt.
Going over your expectations
and hopes for your wedding will keep you on-track, on-budget, and
as stress-free as you can be. If you make decisions together, you
can even have some fun. Going to food tastings and visiting
possible venues can be very exciting, if you are communicating
throughout the process.
Above all, remember that the
true purpose of the wedding is to celebrate your union with the
people you care about the most. Enjoy it, and don't let the fun
(and even crazy) moments pass you by.
Many couples find that wedding planning can bring up so many
personal and familial issues. For one, family members may have very
different ideas about what kind of wedding their son or daughter
should have. You may want a small wedding with close friends only,
but your family may envision hundreds of guests and every
third-cousin you've never met being invited. The guest list may be
a point of contention. Your in-laws may have friends they would
like to be invited who you barely know.
It is not uncommon for family
members to become overbearing during planning. Your in-laws
probably have extensive opinions on the style and type of wedding
they think you should have. Unsolicited advice may be an innocent
attempt to help, but it can also really interfere with and
complicate the planning process. The most important thing to
remember is that it is your wedding - not
your mother's or your sister's or anyone else's. The rule of thumb
for any unsolicited advice - be it on child-rearing, housekeeping,
or the wedding - make it clear that you appreciate your
in-laws' efforts, and you will incorporate his or her ideas where
you see fit, but you have your own ideas. Be assertive but gentle,
and your in-laws will respect the boundaries you have set. Planning
a wedding isn't the time to fall silent, or else you risk ending up
with a wedding day you don't recognize!
During the wedding
planning and after the wedding, it's important to have each other's
backs. Relationships are two people working as teammates toward
common goals of happiness and harmony. Don't let anyone come
between you, not even family. In-laws are always a touchy subject.
You may have chosen your spouse, but the truth is that you
cannot, and maybe wouldn't, choose your in-laws. However, nothing
ruins a marriage quite like putting your relationship on the
back-burned in favor of extended family. Make it known that
your spouse comes first. At times you may feel as if
you are stuck in the middle of a tug-of-war between your spouse and
your parents or in-laws. Both parties may be vying for your
attention, affection, or loyalty. Make it known, gently and
respectfully, that your spouse and immediate family are your
priority. You and your spouse need to establish your own
family traditions, lifestyle, and values. Your in-laws must respect
that.
By giving your marriage
priority, you choose your new role - the adult spouse - over your
old role - the child. Make sure your partner comes first, and
make sure it is clear through your words and actions