Bridal Club Magazine
other day, I had a fascinating revelation. Being engaged has pushed
me into a pre-marriage early mid-life crisis. I've even gone so far
as to pull out the music that I listened to when I was twelve -
Paula Abdul, Milli Vanilli… You name it, I can be found dancing
through my apartment to it.
suddenly, I realized what was going on: I was trying to enjoy my
youth while I still could. Somehow, as soon as that ring was on my
finger, I felt my youth slipping away. I've even caught myself
wearing wool cardigans! When, I wondered, did I get this old? Then
I looked down, and there it was - that diamond ring.
no! I thought. I'm growing up! I'm getting married! Teenage waiters
will soon be justified in calling me Ma'am! Aaaarg! I can't do
this! I made such a good young, single chick! I'm a Toys 'R' Us
kid, for crying out loud!
yesterday (well, more like last month), I was such a crazy,
carefree girl (or at least that's how I remember it). Then I looked
in the mirror one morning, and I saw an old, fat woman in a
cardigan sweater - a woman whose greatest concern at that
particular moment was which flatware pattern would be more
order to regress even more into a twelve-year-old state, I - like
all other crisis-ridden brides-to-be - have started my pre-wedding
if I weren't stressed-out and miserable enough! Now I'm trying to
find the perfect reception hall all by myself - without chocolate!
I've eaten more bananas than I ever thought possible. And all of my
meals contain a combination of the following ingredients: pasta,
canned peas (cold), lettuce, curry, seasoned salt, and Fat Free
Honey Dijon Salad Dressing.
I'm convinced that, by the time I go on my honeymoon, I'll look
fabulous in some butt-baring shorts and a tiny little cropped top.
And maybe Paul will even get arrested for illegally marrying a
twelve-year-old (wouldn't that be cool?).
When I was
in high school, I worked in a bridal shop, and I was always amazed
by the brides who came in. They were all so crazed and